Greetings All
THE HOME THAT ___(You)______________ BUILT
In the world of parenting, there are few owners manuals or handbooks given out. When you buy a microwave, television, VCR, lawnmower, or any other piece of equipment an owners manual is always included. Did you receive an “owners manual” or an instructors manual with your child? I know that I did not. Of course, children are not possessions, and therefore, there should not be an “owners manual.” However, an instruction manual would be nice! There are a lot of pre-parenting activities and materials, and then when the child comes, congratulations are offered, then the parent(s) are left with the well wishes and the child, but NO instructions.
What kind of a “home” environment are you building and living in? Do you live in a “singing” home, or an angry home, or a sad home, or just what kind? A story is told of two different families. One family (the Becks) had a “stay at home mom.” The family didn’t have very many financial resources. The carpet and furnishings were well worn. The children all wore hand-me-downs. The children had chores and responsibilities every day. The children were not allowed to watch a lot of television, and there were no video games in this home. In contrast, the other family (the Frams) lived in a much nicer more expensive house. All of the furnishings were coordinated and new. The children always wore the latest fashions and they had every kind of electronic game and toy available. The Fram children and the Beck children loved to play together. One day the Fram children came home and asked their mom why they didn’t have a “singing home.” Mrs. Fram was confused at the question. The children stated that, “The Beck house is a singing house.”
The following is a great model for “building your home.”
The roof of the house is “Parents in Charge.” Notice that it says “in charge,” NOT “in control.” During pregnancy, women have basically no “control” over what is going on with their body. Few women have any “control” over the birth of the child. And yet, after the child is born, parents think they can control the child.
The parents responsibility is to set up the structure and values that will be taught and practiced in the home. One of the most important components in parenting is STRUCTURE AND CONSISTENCY. Children will grow and thrive better with structure and consistency than they will in an environment with poor structure and chaos. Children need structure in order to build trust, sense of self, problem solving, and identity.
Enjoy parenting. It is most difficult, demanding job you will ever LOVE!
Make a great Day
Dr. Susan
