Greeting All
What if the Hokey Pokey is what it's all about!
Many of us remember the Hokey Pokey dance/game from our childhood. Whenever we did it, we would laugh and most everyone had a very good time.
I propose that we need to do more of the Hokey Pokey in life. We need to laugh more and enjoy the small moments in life. Most of us spend too much time thinking about, worrying about, or dwelling on things that we have no control over. We want the environment to change to suit us and we want others to "make us happy." We are responsible for our own happiness. We can all spend more time and energy on the little things, and on changing our thoughts, attitudes and behaviors.
Dance, sing, laugh
Make a great day
Dr. Susan
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Communication
Greetings:
Many couple come in for counseling stating that "we don't communicate." Actually, that is pretty much impossible. We are always communicating. Some people just do not spend a lot of time talking. 90-95% of our communication is non-veral.
I want to throw out some communication assumptions. We assume a lot when we communicate. The following can challenge some of those assumptions and help us become more effective communicators.
COMMUNICATION PRESUPPOSITIONS
· Behind every behavior is a positive intent
· Requisite variety – the element of the system with the most flexibility will be the controlling element
· People work perfectly – no one is wrong or broken; it’s simply a matter of finding out how they function now so that you can effectively change that to something more useful or desirable.
· Almost every behavior is useful in some context – what is the positive intent
· Choice is better than no choice
· Energy flows were attention goes
· People already have all the resources they need – what they need is access to those resources at appropriate times
· There is no such thing as failure, only feedback – every response can be utilized
· Communication is redundant – you are always communicating in all three representational systems – visual, auditory, kinesthetic
· The meaning of your communication is the response that you get – communication is not about what you intend, or about saying the right words; it is about creating an experience in, and getting a response from the listener. The bottom line is the response you elicit from the listener or receiver.
· The map is not the territory
· Present behavior is the best possible choice
· Seek first to understand then to be understood
Enjoy all communication - there is a lot going on
Make a Great Day
Dr. Susan
Many couple come in for counseling stating that "we don't communicate." Actually, that is pretty much impossible. We are always communicating. Some people just do not spend a lot of time talking. 90-95% of our communication is non-veral.
I want to throw out some communication assumptions. We assume a lot when we communicate. The following can challenge some of those assumptions and help us become more effective communicators.
COMMUNICATION PRESUPPOSITIONS
· Behind every behavior is a positive intent
· Requisite variety – the element of the system with the most flexibility will be the controlling element
· People work perfectly – no one is wrong or broken; it’s simply a matter of finding out how they function now so that you can effectively change that to something more useful or desirable.
· Almost every behavior is useful in some context – what is the positive intent
· Choice is better than no choice
· Energy flows were attention goes
· People already have all the resources they need – what they need is access to those resources at appropriate times
· There is no such thing as failure, only feedback – every response can be utilized
· Communication is redundant – you are always communicating in all three representational systems – visual, auditory, kinesthetic
· The meaning of your communication is the response that you get – communication is not about what you intend, or about saying the right words; it is about creating an experience in, and getting a response from the listener. The bottom line is the response you elicit from the listener or receiver.
· The map is not the territory
· Present behavior is the best possible choice
· Seek first to understand then to be understood
Enjoy all communication - there is a lot going on
Make a Great Day
Dr. Susan
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Why Anger?
Greetings All:
Why Anger?
Why do so many people use this emotion?
It is is quick, easy, distructive, harms relationships, and usually does not accomplish what the real goal is. So, Why is it such a popular emotion?
It is quick, easy, and it oftentimes controls other for a moment.
Anger is an emotion. Anger usually is covering or compensating another emotion. Many times the driver of anger is disappointment, depression, anxiety, frustration, guilt, shame, hurt, sadness, jealousy, embarrassment and many others.
When you feel angry, ask yourself what thought you are using to create the feeling (this is from Virginia Satir). Events cannot and do not create feelings. It is how we think about or process the event that creates our feeling. You can also ask yourself what REAL emotion you are hiding or avoiding by using anger.
Manage your anger, change your world. No longer let anger manage you. It is a harsh taskmaster with very destructive outcomes.
Smile and Make A Great Day!
Dr. Susan
Why Anger?
Why do so many people use this emotion?
It is is quick, easy, distructive, harms relationships, and usually does not accomplish what the real goal is. So, Why is it such a popular emotion?
It is quick, easy, and it oftentimes controls other for a moment.
Anger is an emotion. Anger usually is covering or compensating another emotion. Many times the driver of anger is disappointment, depression, anxiety, frustration, guilt, shame, hurt, sadness, jealousy, embarrassment and many others.
When you feel angry, ask yourself what thought you are using to create the feeling (this is from Virginia Satir). Events cannot and do not create feelings. It is how we think about or process the event that creates our feeling. You can also ask yourself what REAL emotion you are hiding or avoiding by using anger.
Manage your anger, change your world. No longer let anger manage you. It is a harsh taskmaster with very destructive outcomes.
Smile and Make A Great Day!
Dr. Susan
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Contentment
Greetings all:
Abraham Lincoln once said, "Whatever You Are, Be a Good One."
I believe this is great advice to learn to love self and enjoy who you are rather than always competing or trying to be better than others.
Each of us should strive to improve self. This does not mean to compete or to be what others expect of us. When we can find joy in who we are, we find more joy in life.
Throughout the different stages of life, we will wear many different hats. We should however focus on the value of was is inside of us.
Be Happy Today
Dr. Susan
Abraham Lincoln once said, "Whatever You Are, Be a Good One."
I believe this is great advice to learn to love self and enjoy who you are rather than always competing or trying to be better than others.
Each of us should strive to improve self. This does not mean to compete or to be what others expect of us. When we can find joy in who we are, we find more joy in life.
Throughout the different stages of life, we will wear many different hats. We should however focus on the value of was is inside of us.
Be Happy Today
Dr. Susan
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