Communication

Greetings:

Many couple come in for counseling stating that "we don't communicate." Actually, that is pretty much impossible. We are always communicating. Some people just do not spend a lot of time talking. 90-95% of our communication is non-veral.

I want to throw out some communication assumptions. We assume a lot when we communicate. The following can challenge some of those assumptions and help us become more effective communicators.

COMMUNICATION PRESUPPOSITIONS


· Behind every behavior is a positive intent

· Requisite variety – the element of the system with the most flexibility will be the controlling element

· People work perfectly – no one is wrong or broken; it’s simply a matter of finding out how they function now so that you can effectively change that to something more useful or desirable.

· Almost every behavior is useful in some context – what is the positive intent

· Choice is better than no choice

· Energy flows were attention goes

· People already have all the resources they need – what they need is access to those resources at appropriate times

· There is no such thing as failure, only feedback – every response can be utilized

· Communication is redundant – you are always communicating in all three representational systems – visual, auditory, kinesthetic

· The meaning of your communication is the response that you get – communication is not about what you intend, or about saying the right words; it is about creating an experience in, and getting a response from the listener. The bottom line is the response you elicit from the listener or receiver.

· The map is not the territory

· Present behavior is the best possible choice

· Seek first to understand then to be understood

Enjoy all communication - there is a lot going on

Make a Great Day

Dr. Susan